DRIVE SMARTER | ADVICE FOR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES
Concerned about a family member's driving but don't know how to raise the subject? Here's a few respectful conversation starters which might help.
These are designed to open dialogue, not force decisions, and to preserve dignity and independence.
Gentle, non-threatening openers
“I wanted to check in about how driving feels for you lately—has anything changed?”
“How do you feel when you’re driving at night or in bad weather these days?”
“Have you noticed any parts of driving that feel more tiring than they used to?”
Safety-focused (not age-focused)
“We’ve been talking as a family about ways to stay safe on the road—what do you think helps most?”
“What do you usually do if traffic feels overwhelming or confusing?”
“Are there routes or times of day you prefer because they feel safer?”
Shared concern (not blame)
“I worry because I care about you, not because I doubt you. Would you be open to talking about driving together?”
“Can we make a plan together for what we’d do if driving ever started to feel stressful?”
“What would you want us to do if you ever felt unsure behind the wheel?”
Practical check-ins
“Would it be helpful to do a refresher drive together sometime, just to see how things feel?”
“Have you ever thought about taking a driving skills refresher course?”
“Would you want a professional opinion, just to get peace of mind?”
Transition-planning (future-focused, not immediate loss)
“If there ever came a time when driving felt harder, what options would you want to have?”
“What would make you feel comfortable asking for a ride if you needed one?”
“How could we make sure you still get everywhere you want to go?”
When resistance is expected
“I know this is a sensitive topic, and I don’t want to rush it. Can we just keep the conversation open?”
“We don’t need to decide anything today—I just wanted to understand how you’re feeling.”
“Would you be open to revisiting this later if anything changes?”
Tips for success
Choose a calm moment, not after an incident.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
Focus on specific behaviours or situations, not age or labels.
Be ready to listen more than you talk.
Raising Concerns with the Police Or A Doctor
1. If the concern is medical or cognitive, Contact your GP
This is often the best first step.
What the GP can do:
Assess issues like memory problems, vision, reaction time, medication effects
Decide whether the person is fit to drive
If needed, notify the licensing authority (the driver doesn’t always have to)
How to raise it:
You can contact the GP even if they can’t discuss the patient with you
Ask reception for a “third-party concern” to be added to the patient record
You can do this by letter, email, or phone
You can ask to remain confidential
What to include:
Specific examples (not opinions):
Getting lost on familiar routes
Slow reactions or confusion
Pedal confusion or misapplication
Recent near-misses or minor collisions
Difficulty seeing signs or pedestrians
Dates/times if possible
The GP won’t tell you outcomes, but your concern will be considered.
2. If there is immediate risk or dangerous driving, Contact the police (non-emergency)
Use non-emergency police, not 999, unless someone is in immediate danger.
When this is appropriate:
Repeated unsafe driving
Driving despite known medical advice not to
Confusion, erratic behaviour, or collisions
Family efforts have failed and risk remains
How to report:
Call your local police non-emergency number (101 in England/Wales)
Ask to report a driver safety concern
You can request confidentiality
Police can:
Conduct a welfare or safety check
Require a driving assessment
Refer the case to the licensing authority
3. Inform the licensing authority (DVLA)
If you believe someone is medically unfit to drive and others haven’t acted, you can notify the DVLA directly.
Key points:
Anyone can raise a concern
You don’t need proof—just reasonable concern
You can ask to remain anonymous
DVLA may request medical reports or a driving assessment
Search for:
“Report a medical condition affecting driving – DVLA”
4. If you’re worried about your relationship
If this is a parent, partner, or close relative:
You don’t have to confront them first if it feels unsafe
Framing it as support, not punishment, helps:
“I’m worried about your safety and others’, and I’ve asked the GP to review things.”
Professionals expect these situations and handle them carefully.
5. What not to worry about
“Getting them in trouble” – the goal is safety, not punishment
“Breaking confidentiality” – professionals manage this routinely
“Being wrong” – concerns are assessed, not taken at face value
Summary – The Safest Approach
• GP (medical/cognitive concerns)
• Police (non-emergency) if there’s active danger
• DVLA if risk continues or medical advice is ignored